Chemical Romance!
by Umbra viridis -tco
Summary: Parody of a yaoi story. Bulma's mother gone wild and gave poor Goku some dangerous for Vegeta pills...


Dragon Ball Z –unreal story

Chemical romance!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from DB, 'cause if I did, a kamikaze watermelon would splat on Vejita's head every ten minutes. Wait, or Goku's…or…

Anyway, I would kill Chichi with a pack of matches…

And Goku would be mine, not that harpy's !

Oy, but I do own Agent Ehren Icantdoitshit XD

MY NOTICE AGAIN: Now do you some authors see how crappy that OOC stuff is looks like? Just look at my 'OOCish Goku created with premeditation' and stop doing the same damn thing, cause it is not cool!

Sorry for my English!

……

The prince was sitting near the lake, bathing himself in the sun, and enjoying the wonderful, peaceful view and the silence. He was thinking how to defeat Cell. After all they had only few days left…

And then the Armageddon came: that stupid big oaf was heading to him.

Crap, and he forgot to ask Bulma's father to take off the ki restrains, that the damn woman had make –just in case, if he suddenly felt like destroying the Earth or something.

Vejita felt strange- there was something suspicious in the moron's eyes.

Wait a second…

-Oh my fucking God! It's the rut…-he whispered frightened to death.

The Saiyan remembered the last lime, when Goku was in his first rut. Idiot was trying to make some caresses with him, but thanks to the God almighty he was still to immature and too stupid to succeed with his cruel (at least for Vejita) plan.

But now, the great freak had more experience (with his harpy –banshee acting like wife for example), and it was sure that he had bigger needs this time. From his face Vejita could read, that today it's not the 'hug me and kiss me' thing. Oh no, far from that. Saiyan prince felt, like the third class nitwit's gaze itself was screwing his brains out.

"Why me" –he thought.

-Damn you, T. C. O! I curse you, bitch! –he shouted into the cloudless sky, which suddenly went dark. He heard the voice from above:

-I am cursed already you stupid 'Thursday-Ass-In-the- Rydzyk's –Ass –closet'! And it's your punishment for not killing ChiChi, when I told you to do that! –the Annoyed and Annoying Author shouted back.

The Prince knew for sure two things: first- he wasn't gay, and the second –he really didn't want to feel how it is to have sex like one.

Desperately he tried to find a way to escape, but it was too late for him already.

The younger Saiyan pinned him to the closest tree, smelled his scent, stared with that filled with lust eyes of his, and finally whispered, with his lips so close to the other man's neck, that he could fell his warm breath:

-Hi, baby…

"Oh ,shit"

-Bye, faggot! –he yelled and frantically tried to free himself from the oaf's arms.

-Shh…-Goku silenced him with his finger, and then, to keep the effect –just kissed him.

First gently, but then, the younger Saiyan warmed himself up and demanded more-his tongue brushing the other's lips insisting the entrance. The prince didn't want to cooperate, and he shut his lips tight, as hard as he only could. After a few attempts, Goku finally broke the kiss.

-Geta…-he smiled –we won't play that way, if we want to be safe, right? –he said to him like he would be talking to a child

-No you sick bastard! We won't be playing at all! Now focus, you asshole: let-me-go!

-We won't?

-Exactly.

-Oh really? –there was a frightening grin on his face.

-Really.

-Then check this out!

Kakarotto let his hands from Vejita's wrists. Pulled him harder to the tree, and blocked the Saiyan's lower body with his legs. He grabbed his chin in one palm, and the prince's hair in the other one.

-Prepare –he smiled –to feel the power –pause-of desire –he lowered his voice, it finally turned into a long, deep purr…

He turned into the super Saiyan level, started to play wit the older saiyan's ear using his tongue.

-Oh my God…You don't even realize how much you turn me on, my Ouji-sama. But now, I'll show you…

-I don't want to know that, but thank you for the offer anyway. Now hit the road, you Saiyan whore.

-No way, my prince. –he smiled.

Geez! That stupid asshole was teasing him! The Prince of all Saiyans! Oh, he may be sure, that he'll pay for this embarrassment. Vejita decided, that he will rip Goku's balls off, and then make him eat them.

-Then obey me!

-My, mine, Goku's –I like these words.-Goku completely ignored Vejita's last sentence- You wouldn't mind, if they would be on your beautiful ass-I mean wounds made by my skillful fingers, huh? –he chuckled.

-You are so dead. I've killed you already…

-Fine, you'll do whatever you want sweetie, but do it later. Now I need a good blow job. (now THAT was OOC,so don't do that dear children)

-Why won't you bother that harpy bitch of yours, huh? After all the rut is to get somebody pregnant!

-You mean, that a woman can get pregnant twice? Whoa…-Horny or not, after all still Goku was shocked with the new 'data', that came into his head.

-Yes, moron, even more than twice. Be kind, go screw what's yours, and wait patiently for your painful death, which will come from my hands…

-Well…I don't feel like going back there right now, and I want to (with a big accent on the I WANT TO thing) finish, what I've began.

-And what about…?

-Don't worry I've got enough energy to take care of both of you…

-Oh goodie goodie. What do I see here? Such a self-confidence in you, Kakarotto…We were drinking something pretty strong weren't we?

Saiyan had a great idea. He'll try to talk with that pervert to have more time, and he'll manage to run away somehow…

Run away. What a shame…

Then again: to finish with a definitely unwanted dick in his ass (which for the prince was 'to exit only') was a bigger shame, right?

Right.

-In fact, I had few drinks…I see a small change in the way, you act like. So we may proceed…-he purred again.

-Pro…proceed? Don't you want to talk with me?

-Nope.

-Are you sure? Any wife problems? Maybe she's cheating on you? Your son is an alcoholic? Uh…Are you depressed or stuff? You want to talk about it?

Goku crossed his arms on his chest and gave a mocking smile.

-Everything's fine, thank you my dear.

-Then maybe you would like to talk about your happiness with me? Jesus said, that people should share…

-I'll share my lust with you. Satisfied?

-You know…I saw a really good soap opera last night…It was about…

-Enough.

-Oy, shouldn't you be stupid?

-Keep insulting me, and you'll never be able to walk normally again…

-I'm serious. There's something wrong here. You are not yourself.

-Yeah. If you would be yourself I'd be dead…

-The only reason that you are still alive is this! –he shouted and showed Kakarotto the glowing metal on his wrists.

-And where did you get that from?

-It's my problem, not yours. Fuck off. WTF is going on here anyway?

He couldn't tell Kakarotto, that the got into a trap: that crappy, plushy, pink handcuffs which Bulma told him to put on last week, when they were having sex…

That was so embarrassing!

-Vejita, for God's sake I' m repeating this for the last time: 'What-the-fuck' isn't the way to summon me! –The Author was really pissed off.

-Fuck you. Why is the all thing so crappy?

-Because it was supposed to be stupid.

-Oh, this answer is satisfying me. Can I screw him now?

-We'll see…

-But I don't want to end as his toy!

-You'll end like that guy from the "hello" picture.

-What picture?

-You'll know, when he'll finish with you…

-Oww, THAT picture- Goku chuckled.

-Oh, you have seen it? –the Author didn't know about that.

-Yeah, I kinda like it –and there a blush on his cheek had shown up.

-You pervert…but wait a sec, where'd you get internet from? Whatever. –and She disappeared again.

-ChiChi bought a computer for Gohan.

-And where did she got cash from? Did she sell her ugly ass for money? –Vejita laughed nervously.

He was afraid of that 'hello picture' thing.

-Noo…-Goku said

-So you were the whore?

-Wrong again.

-What picture do you kinda like?

-Oh, I'll show you. But it's a long process…

-Maybe in my other life, Kakarotto.

-Okay, we really had been talking long enough…

-Ha! You know what? You won't show me! That stupid rut will end in few days and I'll be free! And you'll be dead!

-Geta, calm down…It's not just the rut thing…It's gonna lass forever, sweetie.

-What? Are you really gay?

-Uh well, normally I'm not, but Bulma's mother gave me some chemical stuff and it had change my brain a bit…

-That's bullshit! What brain, Kakarotto! What brain?!

-Mine. –Goku smiled, he didn't notice the insult.

-Just shut up.

-I'm serious!

-Geez! I knew that freaky woman was perverted! She was always peeping on me in the shower, and she had some gay porn on video! I should have knew it!

Goku just shrugged his shoulders.

-She said, that ChiChi was a wrong match for me, and that because she likes me, she gave me some pills, and told me, that they'll change my and one special person's life…

-She meant me, am I right?

-Probably she did.

-But I am with Bulma! How could she do that?

-I dunno, but she said something about a triangle. I didn't understand that.

-Of course you didn't. Moron.

-Hey! It wasn't nice!

-And it wasn't supposed to be nice!

-This is not fair. I try to be nice, give you some pleasure, and I even try to be delicate, and all you do is…

-Okay then. So what can I do to make you feel better?!

-Spread your legs, please.

-Over my dead body!

-As you wish…

-Why are you ignoring my other requests, huh?

-'Cause if I would listen, there would be no fucking? –Goku gave a question for a question.

-And there will be no fucking! Is that okay?!

-As a matter of fact, it isn't.

Vejita sighed.

-You know what? I'm really getting bored…

Goku grabbed the other Saiyan by his clothes and thrown him on the grass. He mounted him astride, began to unzip his jeans, and shredded the prince's clothes in several places.

Goku pulled his pants and underwear down to his knees (Vejita forgot to breathe, when he saw his "surprise"), lifted the other Saiyan's hips and…

-Wait! –Vejita yelled in the last moment.

-Oh, what again, 'Geta? –he groaned.

-Oh my God you're a Super Saiyan! You're gonna kill me!

-What are you talking about, super Saiyans are harmless!

Goku came back to his previous occupations.

-A little bit of humanity, huh?!

The Author was watching that scene, and when she saw Goku's glowing manhood, she thought, that she doesn't need Vejita dead. Or at least not now, so she interrupted the pair once again:

-Turn off the lights, sweetie…

-But I look more sexy when I'm blonde- Goku gave a pleading smile.

-Please?

-Uh…

-Do you want to hurt your Veggie?

-Uh…No?

-I don't belong to him!

-Well, we could discuss about that…-she smirked.

-Okay…-Goku gave up and came back to his regular form.

-Thank you my dear…

-!$#$#$!!! Helpppppp! –Goku was 'in', and it wasn't the matrix…

Now Goku thought, that he could get some lubricant first, but as he started already…

What could the poor victim of his own lust and undefined yet chemical stuff, that Bulma's mother drugged him with do?

Thrust harder of course!

As for the prince, well he could always imagine, that the odd, horrible pain was an effect of –for example- a hit in a head, but Goku's breath, groans, pants filled with desire, and the touch of the big palms roaming over his body, for sure weren't helping him to forget where the pain came from…

Five minutes later Goku was louder and happier, while the prince was almost vomiting, and kept cursing in all the languages he knew.

-Stop right now, Mr. Son…-said an unknown voice from above.

-That guy's right! Stop it right now! –Vejita yelled.

-And Who-the-hell-are-you-to-tell-me-what-I-am-supposed-to-do! –Goku shouted angrily between each thrust.

-I am the Agent Ehren Icantdoitshit, Mr. Son… I am the fighter for justice and free tomato sauce in all restaurants, and I demand for you to evacuate your arousal from this man's anus!

-It's you! –Goku finally recognized the man.

-All yours victims flesh are belong to me. You are on the way to ruin his already unstable mind.

-What you say?

-You have no chance to get him pregnant you're just wasting your time. Ha Ha Ha Ha

-Forget it!

-I'm afraid I have no other way, Mr. Son…Here, have a cookie…

-He opened a capsule and took from it a giant cookie, and using all his power, he threw it kilometers away, just when Goku noticed the treat.

-Yummy! A cookie! Me want! Me want! –he forgot about Vejita's butt and focused on the cookie.

-Then catch it, Mr. Son…

-Yeah, right! See ya! –he shouted and ran after the cookie.

-My luck, that he forgot, that he can fly…Anyway, thanks man I think I owe you a favor…

-No problem. Just run. Run very fast. We don't know, when he will come back.

Vejita nodded, waved goodbye and ran home.

Vejita was tired like hell, and the same much pissed off. He slammed the door. It was an announcement for all the house, that he was fucking back.

Bulma walked into the hall to greet him.

-Oh holy shit, Vejita is that you? –she shouted terrified by the prince's look.

His clothes were dirty, shredded, and there were many small injuries on his body.

-No, I'm Jack's aching anus. Who the fuck could I be, stupid woman?!

-What had happen to you?

- A train had hit me. Anyway, it's none of your business.

Bulma began to think, what could it be, she just knew that he was suppose to train with Goku.

Well, at least Goku told her that, but Vejita didn't act, like it would be a fight. He wouldn't be so pissed off and silent…

Because she was a genius, she figured out fast, what was the cause.

-Oh my God! Was it Goku? Is he in a rut again?

-Sort of…

-Had he did something to you?

-And what do you think? Look at me!

-I'm so sorry…

-Well, at least now I know, what do you people mean, when you say, that Goku can be a pain in the ass…

-Actually, we didn't mean that…

-He didn't "come"…-he sighed after a minute of silence.

-Is that good?

-This is what I am afraid of. He said earlier, that he wanted to finish what he started…

-Oh…

-Yep. Oh.

-I don't understand one thing. You are a super Saiyan too, couldn't you just run away, when he started to act strange?

-HELLO, THE KI RESTRAINS! –he shouted.

-Oops. I'm sorry.

-It doesn't fix anything.

-So how did you get out, before he could let you do that?

-Some guy named Agent Ehren Icantdoitshit saved me.

-THAT Agent Ehren?

-And what is so special about him?

-People say, that he was born on a graveyard, and that he is the "third twin". "the chosen one", walking justice and stuff…Anyway, it was very kind from him, that he saved you.

-Yes, it sure was. I hope his not gay, maybe he wanted to…

-He was a catholic priest years ago…

-Then he's gay.

-Stop judging people this way!

Vejita gave her a skeptical look.

-Okay, maybe he is a little bit deviated, but…

-Whatever.

-Yeah. Is there a way, that I could comfort you?

-Yes, there is. Kill your mother.

-But why?

-Later. Now I really need to take a shower.

A bonus !

Vejita: You asshole! Why did you eat that?!

Goku: Oh, Come on, my love, it tasted like candy! How could I resist?

Vejita: How much had you eat?

Goku: Uh…All of them?

Vejita: How long will it last for?

Goku: Bulma's mom said, that for the rest of my life or something…

Vejita: I hope it won't be too long…


End file.
